“You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing; You say I am strong when I think I am weak; And you say I am held when I am falling short; And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours; And I believe“– Lauren Daigle, You Say
When I began this blog a few years ago, I started out with a completely different intent in mind. I thought I would offer words of wisdom and encouragement to readers so they would know they were acceptable and didn’t have to hide behind a facade just to fit in. I realize now it was me I was trying to encourage out from behind the facade, trying to find acceptance. While I was attempting to be the cheerleader, I was really the one struggling.
I had been struggling my own with self-acceptance, esteem, worth and value for a very long time. I had just been ignoring it and trying, ever so thinly, to disguise my struggle, my lack of self-esteem and sense of worth behind feeble attempts at offering encouragement to others. As if anyone had asked me.
Recently my life took a turn for the worst. After 34 years of marriage, it all ended. To say the obvious words that I was devastated, shocked, angry, etc. is accurate but sorely understated. Words couldn’t do the pain and grief justice.
And now my own personal struggles, my personal demons, have risen to the surface rearing their ugly heads to stare me down and take me down. I have felt tremendous grief accompanied by severe depression and anxiety. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced before.
But in the midst of all this grief, depression, anxiety and pain, I have realized a greater Strength beyond what I had known before. I have found my worth, value and acceptance in a loving and generous God. I have found healing.
This blog is now about healing. It’s about roads traveled, and seasons that come and go. It’s about falling down and getting up. It’s about self-recovery and self-discovery. It’s about hope.
If you find yourself on a similar road or in a similar season, you are not alone. Grief doesn’t discriminate nor do storms. And if you find yourself reading my posts, my prayer is that you’ll find hope. Hope and strength to get up off the ground and move forward.